So the 11th of October was apparently “Coming out day” and a few friends went “hey, they” basically and I remembered to update my profile on Twitter so it’s a good day to. But I did technically come out about my gender at the start of pride month.
But the thing about that is well. Thoughts change but also a lot of self doubt, especially as I started feeling that I was faking it etc.
I’m pretty masculine, I won’t lie. Quite “man” like and I never really thought to, do anything about it, but I never felt attached to it as “my identity”. I never “felt” transgender and neither did “woman” or “non-binary” ring out to me. Eventually I got talking to someone who basically phrased it as “male by default” and I was like “holy shit yes?”
So with some reinforcement behind me I kind of stumbled randomly on to agender, it felt right, it makes my brain happy.
“But… what if I was faking it for brain chemicals???” I kept thinking, especially as when I came out in June I effectively went “∅ he/they” is good :)”, the easiest “out” for all of this, even though I really never felt like that was correct but it’s easy for a masculine person and go like that. Constantly doubting that the genuine euphoria I felt back in February when I stumbled my way in to understanding.
So in safe places I did add in “it” to “∅ he/they”, eventually “∅ he/they/it” I swapped it round “∅ it/they/he”, and privately or in new places I put what made me happy…
Seeing my friends explore their identity over the past few months, and especially today made me realise “no wait I can do this”. I’ve been pushing off “he” for a while, so much so that I dropped it entirely in places I was “safe”. So I finally did it, I told everyone “it/they” on twitter and holy hell that felt good. I’d change it entirely but on Twitter I figure for the best I might have to leave “they” but almost everywhere else? No.
I’m DarkOverord, I’m an agender furry and my pronouns are it/its. They is acceptable, he is okay, but I’m an it, and that makes me happy.
Also know that I’m still getting used to that and if you call me “it” I will just melt in to a puddle for you.
I rambled here but I needed to make it in to words lol